The American Tory

CNN has a great article describing something I have seen for years, what they refer to as the porn effect. Essentially, the bar for beauty has been lowered to a blatant level of sexuality.

This reality hit me square in the face when I was dating a very pretty girl a few years ago. She is intelligent, classy, takes care of herself, dresses really well, etc… When we were dating, she could not believe I did not want her to constantly show off her cleavage by wearing really low cut tops. It was not because I was afraid she was flat-chested (she has a C cup), but she was degrading herself in my opinion by doing something simply to please me. She did not need to show off her cleavage for me to date her; I thought she was far more beautiful when she dressed in a more classy way (a skirt that did not come half way up her thighs and a nice blouse that did not show off half her chest and cleavage) and she showed that their was some substance in her mind.

She was showing her cleavage in an attempt to impress me in some kind of sexual way. This extended in me refusing to engage in sexual behavior with her even though she offered herself on a platter several times. Not because of any objection to sex outside of marriage or anything like that, I refused because such activities should be a mutual and be an expression of deep felt affection and intimacy. Dating someone for three months during my late teens is not a time for such things. Furthermore, she admitted later she really did not want have sex, but thought I would be pleased if provided herself as a vehicle for my pleasure.

The problem was that I did not want her for sex. There were plenty of girls who can off that for far less than I was committed to with her. I wanted her because I thought she was intelligent, an affectionate partner, and beautiful in the classy sense, not because she would give herself in sex if I wanted. In return, I expected her to admire those three things out of me. I wanted her to be my female peer, not my female sex object. I wanted her to be my equal, not subservient to me. I wanted to her to realize how much I admired her not for her sexual attributes, but her intelligence, classiness, and personality.  Of course she is beautiful in the physical sense (she is a local beauty queen type), but she could not understand being classy was far more attractive to me than showing how much skin she could show.

She could not comprehend this and it led to our relationship ending. After this experience, I refused to even consider dating because I felt no girl wanted a guy who wanted her to have class, intelligence, and a good personality.I have seen this phenomenon when I have been searching for female to date. I am a huge believer in equality and I expect a girl to adhere to a few things I expect out of myself: intelligence, good grooming, some sense of class, and respecting your partner in the relationship as your peer and equal.  I am not sure if any girl in the world actually wants a guy to like her for being intelligent, having a good personality, and beautiful in the classy “cute” sort of way.

Maybe I will die a rich old man without love, but I rather suffer that fate than having someone who thinks their duty is to please me sexually. Is it too much to ask for a girl who has class, intelligence, and a decent personality that wants to be loved for those characteristics and loved as a peer? Is it too much to ask for a girl who I can sincerely use as a model of what it represents to be a good girl to any daughters we might procreate if we marry?

I guess this is the dilemma of the nice guy who respects girls. Either settle and compromise your principles or risk loneliness.